To my nieces, the daughters I never had,
If I had had daughters, I’d want them to be just like you two. I love you both very much and I feel it’s my duty, as your favorite aunt, to give you 9 pieces of advice that your mom can’t quite tell you.
1) Don’t be a groupie. So many people love to follow “celebrities” and try to emulate what they wear, how they act and how they live. You don’t need that, make your own life. Most of the famous athletes and celebrities are only famous for dumb shit. How many nice guys have you seen on a cover of a magazine or caught on tape doing something nice? Don’t be on a magazine. And no one has to catch you being nice, just be nice. Chances are you will never be famous nor rich. So, be smart, be brave and for fucks sake- think for yourself! Never base your decisions on someone you don’t even know.
2) Go to your mom. With anything. I know you’ll want to keep your life private, I get it. I kept things from my mom and looking back, I wish I had went to her for help. There’s so many things she could’ve helped me get through with minimal damage instead I took some roads of destruction. But I promise you, your mom won’t judge you, she will only want to help you and after the crisis is over- she will make sure you’re ok. I know it’ll be scary but no one has your best interest at heart more than your mom. She will understand more than you think she does. Whether it’s sex, boys, or friends- she’s been through it herself. She’s the smartest woman you know and she’ll know what to do. Full disclosure: she will probably talk to me about what’s going on but just know it never leaves our sister circle of trust. Moms need a shoulder to lean on too.
3) Don’t dismiss older people. These people paved the way for you to have more than you need. Everything you have and mostly who you are, is because of the influence you’ve had in your life from your mom, dad, aunts, uncles, grandmas and grandpas. You may be smarter than them but never wiser, grasshopper. Experience beats education every time. You get wisdom through experiences not tuition. Treat your elders with respect. They have been through more than you’ll ever know. I don’t care if it’s grandma or a random elderly person, if they’re telling you a story- put down your phone and listen to them. If they’re walking through the door, hold it open for them. When they say “thank you.” (And they will) Reply with “you’re welcome.” Not “Yep”, “you’re fine” or “uh-huh”, say “you’re welcome”- like you have some home training.
4.) Don’t be intimidated. Do not let people mistake your kindness for weakness or your composure for compliance. You don’t need to “find” courage or “get” courage. You were born with it. You, my dear, are fucking amazing. No matter how #blessed people seem to be, find your own happiness and blessings within yourself and through God. That’s where you’ll find the blessings and joy that is meant for you.
5.) Love someone. Love a man or a woman, as much as you want. But protect your heart. I’m sure you’re mom has and/or will tell you to never let a man (or woman) put their hands on you. I’m sure she’s got that covered. If not, come see me- I’ll handle it.🤨 What I want to say is, as a mom of boys, respect your boyfriend or husbands relationship with his mom. She’s not the competition and she’s not judging you. She just wants to make sure it’s safe to hand him over to you. A mothers son is loved just as much as a mothers daughter. I know my sons’ girlfriends have called them “mamas boys” because of the things I do and have done for them. But please think of all of the things your mom has done for you, it’s no different. We want our sons to be happy with a kind and loving person. We worry just like your mom does. So if he dotes on his mom, don’t take it as if he loves her more than you, it’s a different kind of love. A love only a parent and child can have. One day, you too may have your own son- you’re own “mama’s boy” and it’ll be wonderful. And when he gets older, you’ll understand.
6.) Think. Never play dumb to make someone else feel superior. Not your friends, lovers or bosses. No one respects a push over or a purposeful idiot. You’ll lose said friends, lovers and maybe a job or two because of this advice- so I’m sorry in advance. But fuck that noise. You are too intelligent to be made to feel inferior just to boost someone else’s ego. When you speak your mind, be prepared to be called a bitch, bossy, pushy, over bearing and controlling. Those are just words to make you shut up. Don’t. If you’re right, then stand on principle alone. Seek peace but be prepared to go to war.
7.) Look out for each other. A sister is one of the most important relationships you’ll have. Kait, I know you’re 12 years older than Sami and it will somewhat fall to you, at times, to take care of her. Your mom has always been my keeper. And being the oldest, that responsibility will fall to you- it may seem like a task now but later in life you’ll find she’s one of your biggest priorities. You’ll be the only person that can confront her and ask her “what the fuck are you thinking?!”. She’s Sam and she won’t be pushed around, but she’ll respect you and listen to you because she knows you’d never lead her wrong. Sam is strong minded but will always feel like your little sister when she needs you. Be there for her.
8.) Despite what your mom has told you- you cannot be anything you want. You can be what you’re good at, you can be what you work hard for but you cannot just pick any profession and think it’s for you. So that unrealistic thing we tell our children is just bullshit to give you confidence but I want you to know this advice now. Maybe it’ll save you years of frustration. And to save you the suspense, no one will give a fuck about your feelings. It’ll hurt sometimes but the workplace is just that- work. Never let it be more important than your family. Unless you are literally saving lives- some things can just wait until Monday. Oh, and you may not have it all figured out yet and that’s ok. You don’t have to know “what you want to be” at 21 years old. I don’t care if your friends seem to be on the fast track to wherever they’re going, trust me, they are just as unsure and confused as you are. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ll figure it out along the way, I promise.
9.) Trust your gut. A woman’s intuition is her super power. If your gut says “get out of there”- then leave. If your gut is telling you something isn’t right- it’s not. I can’t explain it, but it’s there, looking out for you when your head or your heart may be somewhere else. At times you’ll find it was nothing but most of the time- you dodged a bullet. It’s your super power, use it, get to know it, and learn to listen to it.
I love you girls very much,